Ends, Middles, Beginnings...

There is an eerie stillness in the air; the kind that only presents itself after you've just been rattled by a particularly horrific storm. You stand there, not quite trusting that the worst has passed. The last time I felt this way I was staring at the ceiling fan of my childhood bedroom; my eyes slowly moved over every single object draped by the moonlight, from the corner desk where I had sat so many nights typing away fanciful stories as the soft glow of the computer screen washed over me, to the billowy chiffon curtains my father had so vehemently protested, and finally back to the wooden rungs of the bunk bed above me.

I remember thinking I would never see that view again and a happy sadness washed over me. Of course, I knew I would enter my parent's house many times after that night, but only as a visitor... and not always a welcome one at that!

As I cleaned out my office and answered e-mails I knew I didn't have to, but what the hell, working late had become a common practice, I felt a sense of relief followed by a brief, unwelcome sense of panic. It is perhaps the feeling a crab might experience when it has to abandon its shell for a larger one because he has outgrown it; there is a quick sense of immense vulnerability as he stands there naked and exposed to all manner of predators, but suddenly... warmth and security and more importantly, solidification of knowing it was the best decision he had ever made engulf him as he snuggles into his new roomier quarters.

I pack the remainder of my belongings into an empty copy paper box. The sun has set outside and there is a chill in the air that makes me quicken my step across the lonely parking lot. The horizon looks beautiful as the luminous orb descends behind it, sending a last cascade of rays across a small group of clouds and giving the black mountains an effect of being torn paper ripped across the indigo sky. I am meeting a friend later for coffee (at times like these we all need a friend).

As I approach it I notice that the parking lot is completely dark and the familiar warm orange glow I had come to associate it with is extinguished. Instead, I am met with a large red sign that reads "SPACE AVAILABLE." My heart sinks as an ebb and flow of memories talking with friends at this coffee shop go through my mind like the tides. I decide to make my way to another coffee shop and as I settle in sipping the warm, delicious drink I look around the new meeting place. It is not as intimate as my last one but it will do... and I feel safe. And I feel warm....