Why I'm On Team Conan

There are certain moments in life where it is not even a question of taking sides, because it is as transparent as Paris Hilton's head; you just automatically know where you want to stand. In the case of Leno Vs. Conan, well, let's just say it was another no brainer.

When I was younger I was first attracted to Conan's show because he seemed like such a caricature with his little mermaid style flippy bangs, beady little eyes and pointy nose. He never cared about being a heart throb of late night audiences or even the most clever guy who tried to make other people look and feel stupid so he could look witty. No, he was this Irish bloke who was just plain funny. Even his mannerisms made laugh. I thought, if I'm ever a celebrity I would beg to be on his show cause really, what a swell guy to know. He's that kind of person who makes me want to say things like "swell" and mean it.

So it was clear that as soon as NBC decided to cancel him in favor of Leno, there was no team I would rather be on than team Conan. The last week of his show was nothing short of spectacular. Thanks to the Internet, I did not miss a single beat and have watched it several times now. I think my favorite skit was when he was ordered by NBC to not speak ill of the network at all; no making fun of it, no bad mouthing it, nada. So what did he do? He bad mouthed them anyway... in Spanish. It was simple, comical feats like these that make him so damn lovable. Furthermore, he was unselfish.

When the time came to pull the plug he not only argued for his "severance" fee, he also argued the severance for that of his loyal staff. Not only were these incredibly fortunate people able to work for someone who didn't bang interns or have an abnormally large chin and drive circa nineteen twenty-nine automobiles, they worked for someone who had their backs covered. OK, so maybe their going away fee was pittance compared to what he was able to walk away with but come on, it was definitely more than I make in a year so yeah, I'd be grateful as hell.

Suddenly, just when I thought the Leno Vs. Conan brouhaha had simmered down and late night was inevitably handed over to the ever annoying and egotistical Leno, just when I had placed my metaphorical "Team Conan" shirt away in the closet, just when I thought the red hair laughs were over... I heard, through the bitter Hollywood grapevine, that Conan was tweeting. Now, I hate twitter. I hate it so much I don't even bother capitalizing the "t" in its name. I avoid it at all costs and would rather be kicked in the place where babies come from rather than tweet. But then I saw the picture above that Conan, new to twitter himself, posted with a caption that simply said "This is how many people it took to write today's tweet: "JUMBO" shrimp. WTF?" and I laughed. I laughed until I cried. I laughed until I peed a little. It was that kind of simple, self-deprecating humor that made me love Conan and be a loyal member of his team ever after and say this with steadfast gusto... screw you Leno. That one picture and post is funnier than a month of your shows.

Team Conan!